And so, it is again that time of the year when beautiful women get to wear itsy bitsy bikinis with Eiffel tower like heels, wear hideous dresses and get to cry over who won because they where prettier, The Miss Universe Pageant.

Last year in Bangkok, Thailand, the King made sure the 72 contestants where treated like his own Court (Queens), and the scenery was in fact beautiful. After a failed attempt of fulfilling my lifelong dream of beating Puerto Rico in their own game (slutery) I had to settle for the Russian…eh…Canadian Miss to get the crown.

I must say, it was a fair event.

However, being that this year’s pageant was in Los Angeles, I knew something would brew in a bad way, but not this badly…

First, a very warm surprise: This year, 20 semifinalists will be selected. You’d think we would be good enough to land AT LEAST 20th, but of course, who will tremble upon the Honorable Tom Green to select the most beautiful girl in the universe. Mia Tavéras, who underwent an amazing makeover (more like getting made all over), missed the 20 semis, leaving the spot open for… Sweden… Russia… Denmark… what happened here for God’s good sake?

This being the case, my early favorites are Bolivia, Colombia, Trinidad and Tobago, Paraguay and Japan. In that same order of course. However, our Judges had other surprises for the night.

Not only they keep picking Miss USA for every round, they chose Miss Puerto Rico, a. k. a. The Porn Star Stripper of the night as Miss Universe over the true winner, Miss Japan.

I’ll be honest, Miss Japan wasn’t the best contestant in the pageant, I’ll give you that, but she won the heart of the people in that public with pure charm. She was fresh, naïve, and in a way she represented her people’s kindness with that answer that she gave: She was truly honored and thankful for being there! I’m guessing, that Trump is more into the bitchy type than to the true, self behaving, natural beauty, which is what Miss Japan had inside her.

It would have also been very refreshing to see a new face in the Miss Universe throne. Ever since Amelia and the Russian Fedorova girl won, every queen has looked like them. An Asian beauty would have brought new public for Mr. Trump’s show and it would have definitely been a very just decision.

In my book, Japan had the contest in the bag, however, I will pray every day so that Zuleyka´s plane falls under control of mad terrorists who crash it against el Moro de San Juan…or not maybe.

On a side note, the Latin American queens had a thing for plastic surgery as I saw more than one contestant looking a lot like Amelia Vega (Bolivia), Renata Soñé (Paraguay) and Miss Universe herself, Natalie Glebova (Miss Mexico). Very creepy sight.

Hopefully next year will be better for my asian beauties.