However there is always a little bug inside you that is there, and im not the type to go "would've, could've, should've", but I can't see myself and look back and think... what if.
What if i had made better decisions? What if i had tried different methods? What could i have done to bypass certain mistakes? What if I could have been braver, more daring?
In some ways i have always been one to push the envelope: I did with PC when i applied known that there was no money to pay for the trip. Also when i went ahead and wrote my essay for the moot court in Vienna. In both cases, all odds i had were all up against me and i somehow managed (even going through the storm) i pulled from below and went on against all odds to success.
A few months ago i was reading the news paper when a particular ad caught my attention. It brought me back to my school years and all the goals and promises that lay ahead of my at only 19 wanting to make a difference in the world. In a way i have, my world anyways and i like to think that even though its unnoticeable for most people, the things I've done in my past bring back a smile when i review them altogether.
Then there was that one goal i missed. I lost it because of my own faults, but life gave me a shot once and i threw it away. Then it gave me a new shot a few years later and "stuff" made it impossible for me to access that shot. And here i was with a third shot at doing this one thing I've always wanted to do and have never been able to grasp... my very own brass ring.
Given thought to all the series of events that have gone on for the last few months, i decided to screw everything and take my chances, gathered everything the ad requested and sent it away. And i didn't hear form these people again until about las month, when they wrote to me asking for additional information. I was just glad somebody somewhere was actually reading my stuff.
And then there was the email. Yes, the one that almost caused me to crash my car. I was invited for a call-back. Other things had to be done, things to be done in 3 days that most people do over in a period of weeks. I don't even know how i am here, but stuff got done, opportunities where created and that saying that "one builds his own path" could never been truer, because only god knows the stuff I've done in order to stay afloat and make it here.
For now, all i can do is wait, only now i know that there is someone at the other end listening and watching closely to the steps that im taking. Hopefully this dream will come true, i want it to.
But for now, it is still that... a dream waiting for its time to fulfill itself... will it?
Ehl.
