Mood: Empty, confused, maybe dazed. iTunes: "History Repeating"by The Proppelerheads featuring Shirley Basey (1998).
And as usual its crash and burn. I always keep telling myself how things might be different if I give 'em a shot. Well, as usual with these affairs, I was wrong, VERY WRONG.
My instinct is usually not wrong and today was one of those days where I failed cause I chose to, no matter how odd a feeling I kept having about this whole mess in the making and how hard (or not so hard) I tried to avoid it. And this time at least we're talking about a well taught specimen, not the kind you would stumble by when having one too many drinks in some random bar...
The key word of this post: AWKWARD.
But, as you would have it, again its the details that set me apart from this one. First of all, what's this obsession with touching me? I've made a point about feeling sceptic about this whole meeting thing, yet you insist on touching me. And please, Dear Reader, don't get me wrong. I've done plenty of touching in the past, but this was ridiculously awkward as it was unappealing. In every way. And did I mention awkward?
This of course had the very unpleasant result of me behaving like I'm interested in a whole bunch of thoughts that are being spewed at me like I'm some sort of feed burner, just feeding and feeding on information. Totally random and useless information that could not even by far be considered chit chat... More like Chinese torture. Once again I probably came across as a conceited, closed minded, retracted person, when it could not be anything else further form the truth. But, I'm terrible at lying, not good for a lawyer.
And as I have mentioned before for like a gazillion times (not here, but in life) I am left with a weird feeling of desolation and despair that doesn't seem to find and end or a north, but it does seem to get bigger and bigger by the minute. Great.
In the mean time, I'll just keep writing on my journal these weird stories until I actually surprise myself in this endless search for that little something to feel a bit different in life.
You keep reading. I'll keep writing.