Nota al lector: No me pregunten para quien es, ni porque lo escribi en ingles, ni si me toy casi pegando un tiro y/o cortandome las venas. La persona a quien escribo esto quizas ni lo lea, y si lo lee no creo que sepa que se lo escribi. Palabras del predicador al viento del desierto... Ehl.
Dear Friend,
Today I am writing this letter and i don't know why. I guess writing is the only way I have to express myself properly and fluently.
Love is not a feeling. It’s a state of mind. Its baffling that I should be the one to say this, but love is a poison that corrupts the masses. Ever since I met you, I haven’t done anything else but think of you. I wake up and I see your face in my pillow; I go to bed and all I see is your shadow reflecting in my ceiling. I go to stores and all I can come up with is what you’ll think of the clothes I’m wearing.
However, while I do this, I’m also thinking that without any doubts, all this is wishful thinking. My mind has been corrupted with thoughts of you that don’t seem to lead anywhere, as you go by and don’t seem to even notice that I want you. I don’t want to posses you, I want to care for you, share moments and get to know you better, but it all seems a silly wish that will not be granted because I wasn’t blessed by the gods with you favor.
A favor that I have done anything in my power to win (without being considered a stalker or rude) but I have only won guilt trips and pitty. I want you to think of me, not because you have to, but because you want to. I want to be there for you when you need me, I want to give you my support and I want to become your friend, but not because you feel guilty: Because you want to become my friend as well.
I won’t pretend to be a Saint, because I’m not: I have seen things and done things I am not particularly fond of. I’ve also been with people I shouldn’t have and met some I didn’t enjoy meeting either. But I have become the person I am because of the things that I have seen and done (Good AND Bad), and like it or not, I must move on and look forward to the future, and hope that someday I will find or meet or accidentally run into this someone who will accept me for who I am.
However, I do have some doubts…
With you I have learned that love is not enough. But if love is all we need, why are we looking for something else instead?
With you I have learned good intentions are not enough, but why decline the idea based on failed past experiences? Isn’t history the best way to ensure ourselves a brighter future?
And finally, with you I have learned that hope is not always answered by bliss. But, if we don’t have hope, what can we expect of the future?
For me its time to move on. I have no idea how I am supposed to do so, but I myst. At least I got the miracle of talking to you in person. For that, I am grateful.
My warmest regards,
Emanuel H. Lightbourne, LL. B.
